Renay

hindsight



  so he asks if I was lonely
but I don't remember it
until much later
  what I remember are fire circles 
women chanting and sharing wine 
while I collected smooth stones  
  I placed them in rings
my own rock women
round hard silent mother women
warming in my small white hand
  I built my own selfish circle
with every one I found
they didn't care
my quiet women
cooling around me
I had no sacred wine 
  through all the chanting dancing
circles of women, mine and hers,  
the moon never once blessed me
with more than blue white skin
and a sometimes shadow
  but I don't remember 
being lonely until he asks
much later

Nevada guy



Nevada guy and I aren't interested
we only look.  I sigh.
Nevada guy has eyes to die for
the fuck me kind behind a
hank of hair like crow wings
settled onto shiny things
        
Nevada guy and I
are watching wary eyed
good friends don't come
in packages laced
muscle tight and leathery

Nevada guy and I
are standing very close.
I try a schoolgirl smile.
screw up.  my schoolgirl smile
is miles away
left lying on the bed
because I've used it up almost
on strange men with grabby hands
        
instead I can only a grin
at my silliness and the sudden
warm tingle warm tall men
bring about in my belly
       
Nevada guy makes me sigh
cuz I don't have to flirt
and I don't have to smile
he and I will be friends
for awhile

a crazy starved swim in Autumn and a ponytail holder



one last time
too late in the season
cold water.  hot skin.
I kneel dirt poor hungry
praying for strangers
to chill me
like the shock of
night water
on a too fevered beach
too late in the season
        
while overhead 
winking voyeurs smirk
at a freezing burning
touching-not-touching
mad woman
tormented at the way
river water only
makes things hotter