Gary Burns

Something Weird
        

        "tell me something weird about yourself"

        "weird, like what ?"

        "weird -- like strange, eclectic, odd, something nobody would
         guess about you -- something that happened you don't normally
         talk about"

        "...lets see, I like the taste of blood."

        "that's hardly weird"

        "sorry"

        "nearly everyone likes the taste of blood, its natural, probably
         something to do with the iron"

        "like artichokes..."

        "whatever"

        "well, when I was young, I could never walk up the stairs in the
         house without turning back when I hit the thirteenth step"

        "now we're getting somewhere"

        "there was a mirror at the bottom of the stairs, when you walked 
         into the hallway you faced your reflection -- I used to think, if
         I didn't look back, someone would crawl out the mirror"

        "who ?"

        "nobody, nobody in particular. Just a feeling of dread, the idea 
         that something bad was going to happen"

        "are you superstitious ?"

        "no, not at all"

        "what age were you ?"

        "young -- but I never really grew out of it, although when I was 
         older it was habit more than anything else"

        "this probably says something about you"

        "whatever. How about you ?"

        "something weird ?"

        "uhu"
        
        "lets see -- there's lots"

        "such as"

        "this is kind of sick. When I was younger I had an older friend,
         only by a couple of years. Thinking back, he was really quite fucked up
         but when you're younger, age impresses. Anyway, I remember he used 
         to make up stories, complete, obvious lies, then beat me up. We'd
         be sitting around and he'd concoct scenarios, we'd act things
         out"

        "a bully"

        "but stranger -- he'd pretend he was a policeman, put me under
         arrest, grab my arm and throw it up my back. He'd get into a
         rage, ranting about things that weren't real, shouting at me for
         things that just weren't true -- when he was really mad a vein
         would pulse in his forehead, sticking out, his face bright red"

        "scary"

        "there was a sexual side as well, my first sexual experiences -- he'd 
         make me practice kissing, lying in bed with nothing on from the
         waist up, grabbing each other, holding each other, kissing each
         others face, neck, shoulders"

        "woh"
        
        "I can't imagine how I put up with these things, I was timid, as I
         said, he was older"

        "this is pretty intense"

        "I don't normally talk about it...there's something else"

        "what ?"
        
        "its weird"

        "well, you brought it up"

        "my parents were strange, truly so, my mother breast fed me for
         twelve years -- stopped just before I started my teens"

        "fuck off"

        "biology, as long as the gland is kept active, females continue to 
         produce milk"

        "that's not what I..."

        "shhh, this is hard for me -- I started to realize it was strange
         around three or four, don't know how, it just seemed off. By the
         time I was six or seven I knew it wasn't right, but I just couldn't
         talk about it, tell anyone. At times it seemed harmless, enjoyable
         even. After a while I couldn't be held, too big, she'd sit in an
         armchair and I'd kneel in front, she'd close her eyes and stroke
         my head"

        "I don't..."

        "Its not that I hold anything against her, I think. Things were hard
         for her and it seemed to give her a few moments of peace"

        "have you talked to anyone else about all this, maybe someone could
         help"

        "don't need it, I'm no more screwed up than everyone else, there's
         no constant hurt, emotional scars -- its all just something that
         happened"

        "something weird"